Tips For Choosing An Adoptive Family

Tips-For-Choosing-Adoptive-Family-Adoptimist

Below are a few tips to keep in mind as you search for the perfect adoptive family for your child.

  • Do not rush. While you may prefer to find a family during your pregnancy so you can start getting to know them and build a relationship with them, take your time to find the family that is the right match for you and your baby. Don’t let your upcoming due date rush you into settling or making a quick decision. You can still choose a family after your baby is born if you are unable to find the right family before you give birth.
  • If you desire a very open adoption, you may want to choose an adoptive family that has at least one adopted children. Ask to speak to their child’s birthmother to see if they have remained consistent and fulfilled the promises they made to her before relinquishment.
  • Discuss flexibility. While post adoption contact agreements are great and recommended, you may want to discuss leaving some room for flexibility and try to find a family that is ok with being flexible based on your needs and the child’s needs. You will not know exactly how you are going to feel about being a birthmother until after the birth and relinquishment of your baby. For example, during your pregnancy and the planning stages of your adoption plan, you may think that one visit a year is enough. But after relinquishment, you may decide that once a year is not enough and hope for more visits. Having a family that is open to that possibility and willing to be flexible will be important.
  • Meet with more than one family, even if it is just for the sake of comparison. Some adoption agencies and adoption professionals may feel differently about you wanting to meet with more than one family, but it is your right to meet with as many families as you need or want to. Even if you know the family you have selected is the right family, you should still meet with another family to compare. This will also help you validate that the family you think is the right family is indeed right family.
  • If at any time you begin to see red flags that this may not be the correct family for your child, do something about it. You are not obligated to any family. If you begin to feel uncomfortable, consider choosing another family.

Moving Forward with the Adoptive Family you Chose


Once you have chosen adoptive parents for your child, met with them and your adoption professional, and have the ball rolling on the legal end, you have some options as to how to move forward throughout the remainder of your pregnancy.

Here are some things to consider: 

  • Do you wish to spend time with them and get them to know them better for the duration of your pregnancy?
  • Would you like for the adoptive parents (or just the adoptive Mother as some mothers are more comfortable with this) to attend Doctor’s appointments with you?
  • Would you prefer just chatting over the phone, emailing one another and texting throughout the remainder of your pregnancy?
  • Or does no direct contact seem easiest to you? You could still keep them updated on how you and the baby are doing through your adoption professional.

The ball is in your court with pre-birth contact and you have to decide what option is the best for you. However if you are planning a pretty open adoption, it is suggested that you take this time before the baby is born to get to know the adoptive family. Many birthmothers have reported that spending time with and getting to know the adoptive family during their pregnancy made it seem more less like they were handing their baby over to strangers when relinquishment time was upon them.

Some people feel that spending time with the family you have selected and getting to know them before the birth can make you feel more secure in your decision of knowing that they are right family for your baby. On the flip side of that, spending time with the family may show you that they are not the right family for your baby. However, that is still a good thing because it is imperative to learn that before you sign papers and things become finalized.

The amount and type of pre-birth contact you have with the adoptive family is totally up to you. Only do what you feel comfortable with and do not feel pressured to allow more.