310: The Best Advice for Adoptive Parents from Season 3 Transcript

Episode 310 Podcast > Full Transcript

Lori Holden, Intro

This is Adoption: The Long View, a podcast brought to you by Adopting.com. I’m your host, Lori Holden, author of The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption. Join me as we take a closer look at what happens after you adopt your child and begin parenting them. Your adoption journey isn’t over then -- it’s just beginning.

In this podcast, you’ll hear from a variety of thought-provoking and influential guests as we help you make the most of your adoption journey. Like any trip worth taking, there will be ups and downs and challenges. Here's what you're going to wish you'd known from the start. Ready? Let’s go.

Lori Holden, Greeting:

Somehow it’s December again. Hopefully you spent November Aware-ing yourself of lesser known perspectives about adoption, during NAAM. Adoptees and first parents were putting out excellent content on various social media platforms. So if it hasn’t already come across your radar, seek it out.

As we wrap up 2022, we are also wrapping up Season 3 of Adoption: The Long View. This season we heard from 7 adoptees, 1 birth parent, 4 adoptive parents, 2 people who got OFF the adoption roller coaster, and 2 people in differing roles within their interracial families. We heard from playwrights and podcasters, executives and educators, moms and dads and sons and daughters, wise and generous each one of them.

People may think that podcasters are always hearing from people in their audience, that feedback is just there for the gathering, but in reality, I’ve found it kinda hard to come by.

So as we are planning for Season 4, I’d love to invite you to give us feedback, specific feedback. What challenges would you like to hear us explore? What would you like to know more about? Drop me a line at lori@lavenderluz.com with the subject line Hey! I listen to Adoption The Long View. Let us know which episodes in the previous three seasons have had an impact on you and what that impact was. In short, we’d love to hear from you how to make Season 4 as relevant as possible.

In fact, to entice you with something in addition to simply expressing yourself and being heard, I have a hardcover copy of The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption I may send to someone who offers us meaningful feedback between now and February 1, 2023. I’ll pick at random from the emails I receive with the subject line Hey! I listen to Adoption: The Long View. It’s not a contest nor a sweepstakes, just a gift, a random gift, so no fast-talking legal mumbo-jumbo is necessary. Hopefully!

As longtime listeners know, the last season of each episode is a recap, a down-and-dirty, if you will, of the Best Advice given by guests during the season. For Season 3, the question that ended each interview was this: what's the most important piece of the long view of adoptive parenting that people miss on the front end?

So here we go. Brief clips from each episode, with our brilliant guests giving you their very best advice for those taking the long view of adoption. We have a transcript available so you can easily find any episode you’d like to refer back to.

First is Barbara Herel, adoptive mom and storyteller, from episode 301 on 9 awkward and messy moments all adoptive families can relate to.

301: Barbara Herel, Adoptive Mom & Storyteller

Barbara: Well, I think that it is about the baby. Hopeful and newly adoptive parents, it's all about the baby.

Lori: Who doesn't stay a baby!

Barbara: That's the thing. Your baby is not an extension of yourself, but originally that's how it starts, and you wake up and you're not thinking about this child's identity.

And that is the most important thing that you're not thinking. I remember getting her birth certificate, her new birth certificate, not her original. And I was so thrilled it had my name on it as mom! But that's not her identity. That's not her whole identity. It's missing her family of origin.

A birth certificate really should be about the child. It's my wish for them to know to start. So it's telling the story. It's connecting with the birth family, that she knows her whole story because just my family is not her whole story. She needs to really have her whole identity.

Lori: I love that you've summed this all up in the word “identity.” For adopted people, their identity has more pieces. They have their family of origin and they have the family that is raising them. All of those pieces. The more we can integrate and collect and help process for our child by being open and inviting and willing to Go There and comfortable with the story. I think that helps them have the best chance they can at building a healthy identity. So, thank you for that.

Lori Holden, Host

The baby doesn’t stay a baby, and your adoptee is their own person, never an extension of you.That was Barbara Herel from Ep301, should you want to tune in for more funny takes on serious situations.

Speaking of being their own persons, Maggie Gallant and Suzanne Bachner, two women who write plays about the adoptee experience, talk about what adoptive parents need to know and do to better attune to their child in Ep302.

302: Maggie Gallant & Suzanne Bachner, Playwrights & Adoptees

Maggie: Oh, gosh. This is a tough one. I was thinking about this and what I wish that my mum and dad had known or had been told is that our story doesn't begin the day we're brought home. Our story begins the day that we're born, not our got-you day or whatever else you want to call it. And that when we cross – sorry, I'm getting emotional – when we cross the threshold into a home, our birth parent crosses with us. And they're with us the whole time, whether they are physically with us or not. And that you have to honor that. You can't shut the door. You have to leave that space and allow them to exist there.

And if you can do that from the start and you can do that with openness and honesty and invite conversation and don't create secrets, then I think you set yourself up for this potentially wonderful and healthy and fulfilling relationship. So, it's just that sense of going back to those ghosts who walks in the door with you and allowing them to do that.

Lori: I just find that so profoundly helpful, Maggie, thank you. Suzanne, how about you?

Suzanne: Maggie made me totally emotional with that, too. I sort of have the sister of that or the cousin or something, I think, because what I'm thinking of is my mom when I told her, “Oh, we found these people. You know, we found my two sets of birth families.” And in her best, most generous, loving reaction, she said, “Well, we have extended family now.” And that just acknowledged that space for these people.

And what I had to do so diligently during my search – And this was just all, just a mental thing, which is what I had to do in terms of just carving the space for the other set of parents, from that original set of parents. I had to make space because I didn't think that they existed and they didn't have space in my world. And I had to make that space for them to be able to find them.

So, the long view to me is like if an adoptive parent can start carving that space from Day 1 or Day 0, before the kid comes into their home, even. It needs to be a co-creation with the parents to keep space for those other people who are part of the kid. And the kid is going to be not a kid; the kid is going to be an adult. This is like a lifelong relationship with your parents.

But those other people, whether they're in your life physically or in your heart or in your family tree, or however they show up, the space has to be kept for them and the space has to be created for them to occupy. Because an adoptee shouldn't have the burden of having to carve that out and claw for that because those people are just there, as Maggie much more eloquently said.

So, that has to be supported by all of the family, because it's a much richer and more powerful family when it's inclusive.

So, it's just to the adoptive parents, and this is mine right now, even. It's like, are you going to be part of this or are you going to fight it because you're fighting yourself and your kid, ultimately, your adult kid in my case, if you're not part of this. Be a part of it.

Lori Holden, Host

Make space for our birth parents, whether they can be physically present or not. That was Maggie Gallant and Suzanne Bachner from Ep302, on better understanding things from your adoptee’s perspective.

Damon L Davis of the Who Am I Really? podcast offers insights to the questions adoptees need to answer as they put their puzzle pieces together in Ep 303.

303: Damon Davis, Adoptee, Adoptive Dad, Podcast Host

Damon: It's a really good question. I think part of it is the idea that you have to figure out what kind of parent you want to be and strive for that goal. And recognize that the factors that the child brings to your family, you will have to deal with along the way.

But in figuring out what kind of parent you want to be, my belief is that you have to also examine your own experiences. And I say that from a couple of angles. One, think about how you grew up. If you had – I often referred to adoptions as awesome or awful, right? Because frequently, there is a spectrum. But that's the loose way that you can think about it.

And if you come from an awesome adoption, I suspect you're probably more likely to be an awesome parent. But if you've come from an awful adoption, you kind of have to sit in that for a minute and examine what was wrong about it and how you are not the results of that adoption as a parent. That you want to be a different kind of parent than what you experienced.

And this goes for non-adopted parents. I think you have to think about, very clearly, sort of literally, “Who am I and how am I going to parent this child in order to focus in on when the challenges are presented to you?”

And I think also there's the parent thinking about themselves as how they grew up and how they want to be a parent. And there's also sort of looking at the child themselves and respecting who that child is and letting them be what they want to be. And you have to sort of both be hands-on and take a step back and allow the child to sort of grow up.

So, it can be really – It's all challenging. Listen, there are no right answers. But I think I guess what I'm alluding to is we all have to do the work. You have to sit and think to yourself, “How am I going to handle certain situations when they come up?” and try to prepare for them. Because adoption is challenging.

And I say that, you know, we were talking before, Lori, about sort of in sitting and doing the work, examining those deep seated, fearful questions that you think you might have. For example, if my child comes to me and says, “I think I want to look for my biological mother”, you should script in your mind what you would like to say that will be supportive before you get there.

I joked before that when you're driving in traffic and someone cuts you off, you script in your mind, “Oh man, if I had a moment to pull over, I would say this to that person.” And you script in your mind work scenarios, “If my colleague says that one more time, I'm going to say this.”

So, script in your mind what your responses will be to certain situations that you suspect are coming in adoption. If your adult child has come to you and says, “Listen, I've found my biological parents”, you should script in your mind, well in advance, an appropriate answer for you.

If you're fearful of that, maybe you should say something like, “Wow, that is really fascinating. I wasn't expecting you to say that. Do you mind if I just take a moment to process that? And can we come back to this maybe tomorrow?” Because you don't want to overreact and put the child off, then they might think, “I never should have come to you with this.” Script what your answer is going to be.

Conversely, if you're supportive of their search, you could also have it scripted in your mind, “I'm so glad you shared that with me. I'd love to hear more when you're ready.”

But if you don't take the time to script in your mind what your appropriate response is going to be, the first thing out of your mouth is likely to be wrong and you can never unsay it.

Lori Holden, Host

Be prepared for situations that may bother you. Do your work and have a script ready to have connected conversations with your adoptee when things arise. So said Damon Davis in Ep303, on supporting your adoptee as they build their identity.

In Ep304, we hear from Janelle Ison, an adoptee and a birth mom who tells adoptive parents about what things are like from the other two corners of the adoption “triad.”

304: Adoptee/Birth Mom Janelle Ison

Janelle: I touched a little bit on this before, but I think, I guess, calling it what it is from the beginning that this adoption, so many facets to it, but we need to start with recognizing and appreciating that this is a separation. This is a rupture. This is a rupture in the child's story, a rupture in the biological mom’s story and the adoptive parent’s story.

Lori, you actually don't realize this, but you've taught me so many things over the years. And at one point you mentioned “rupture and repair” and that really stuck because, yes, there's this rupture. Yes, things we wish we'd have done them differently. We can't go back. But let's acknowledge that rupture and let's repair from there. Let's repair personally. Let's have compassion for what the birth mom would be going through.

Also, beyond the front end, understanding that while the child may not exhibit the same way we would, our grief and our trauma and or even joy, that they will carry this with them. And we need to be sure, as a community and as a society, to have the resources there and just know that, you know, I know as parents I have a child that I parent; we want to do the best for them and there's no handbook and we're going to mess up. And that's okay.

But also, not to be afraid, thinking, “Okay, there's trauma there. There's going to be something there. We got to find it. We got to get on top of this.” Just knowing that it could present itself in what it might look like, I think, is key to really staying ahead of the trauma and also helping everyone involved just process it.

And I don't mean process it in a way that you process it and it's gone. It's an ongoing process that will be there for life. But just having the understanding of that and the grace for each other. And I think that is the best thing that I could suggest that we start doing, because I know that we tend to look at it when it's very evident, but I think if we start sooner, right at that separation, understanding, “This is hard. This hurts. But how do we repair and how do we put in the pillars to stay strong and grow together in this journey of adoption?”

Lori Holden, Host

Janelle Ison helped us better understand the lesser known parts of adoption through her viewpoints as an adoptee, a birth mom, and an adoption policy educator. That was Ep304 on the elephant of adoption and seeking truth about adoption.

In Ep305, we reveal the dangers in the ways you might be framing your family’s adoption story, along with alternatives that feel better to your adoptee, courtesy Joanna Ivey, who is both an adoptive parent and an adoptee.

305: Adoptee/Adoptive Mom Joanna Ivey

Joanna: We talk a lot about privilege these days, and it's usually in terms of racial and economic privilege. There's also a privilege that we have as hopeful adoptive parents and adoptive parents. When people hear this, they might think, “Of all the ways, we're not privileged as adoptive parents. We come to adoption with years of loss. We're financially vulnerable. We're holding our hearts in our hands, wanting to be parents.” And all that is true.

But our privilege comes from the one thing it often comes from, and that's money. And because adoptive parents are paying vast sums to agencies to adopt, we are the consumer and agencies cater to us in their marketing, in their services, and as it's relevant to this discussion, in the words agencies use. Media sees our privilege. Stories and movies and TV are framed with adoptive parents as heroes. Our churches and our communities see us as benevolent gifters of stable homes. So we have privilege.

And I think the long view is to understand our privilege and know that with privilege comes power. Because we can have the discussions within our communities. We can talk to our adoption agencies. We can write to Disney Media. And we can ensure that adoptee voices and birth parent voices are heard and that they are valued in the same way that our voices are valued. Because the power to change that narrative, I think, is on us as adoptive parents because we have the privilege.

Lori Holden, Host

Adoptive parents have privilege, and with the privilege comes power. That was adoptee and adoptive mom Joanna Ivey in Ep305 about the right and wrong ways to tell your child’s adoption story.

Ep306 is a little different. Rather than talking about adoptive parenting, Jess Tennant and Greg (who are not a couple) tell why and how they and their spouses each got off the adoption roller coaster and went on to live fulfilling lives, even with the loss of the dream of parenting and while facing the crushing weight of pronatalism, living in a culture that values parents over nonparents to an astonishing degree.

306: Never Adopted/Never Parented Jess Tennant & Greg 0

Jess: You'll always hear, “Waiting is the hardest part.” And I think that adoption can be very emotionally challenging. It was far more so for me than I had originally thought. But I think it's important to know that there are many – Like there's a Helen Keller quote that's basically, “When one door of happiness closes, sometimes we spend so much time looking at that door that we can't see the new one that has been opened for us.” And for me, that became central as a replacement for, “Never give up.”

So, knowing that you're not giving up. You're moving forward, if this is something that does not work out. And I hope it does, if that's your dream, but that it's okay and find those other happiness doors.

Greg: Yeah. To echo Jess. And that Helen Keller was really, really powerful. I guess the advice, in a similar fashion, is live your life. Yes, you can still look at adoption, go through the process. But if there's a great opportunity that opens up while you're going through the process, take the opportunity. Don't pass it up because you don't want to have regret later in life that you missed out on that opportunity because you're waiting for something to happen. Not that you should rush into something, but live your life.

And also reach out to your partner, your husband, your wife, because chances are they're going through it with you. It's a journey you're going through together. Even when you become a parent, unless there are circumstances that you can't see, you're not going through as a single parent. It's a journey that you should be going through together with your partner. So, really reaching out to your partner, working with them to get through it, and also just living life and recognize that there are other opportunities out there that you can find happiness.

While I was going through it, I'm a stubborn person and I hate to admit when others are right. And there were a number of people in the childless/childfree community, due to circumstance, who would tell me, like, “You're going to get through this. Believe me, that you will get through this and you will find happiness.” And I didn't want to acknowledge that it was possible. I'm like, “All right, that's just your experience. That's not my experience. I don't want to admit that that can happen.” But it is true that you can find happiness. You can find joy in life. Yes, it's not going to be the same. But you can find joy and happiness in life that does not include having children.

Lori Holden, Host

Moving on is healthy, and it’s not giving up. Joy and happiness are possible when choosing to move forward without adding a child to your family. That was Jess Tennant and Greg in Ep306 on finding the off ramp from the adoption roller coaster.

In Ep307, interracial adoptee Tony Hynes tells what adoptive parents, birth parents, and policy makers must know and can do to avoid splitting the baby any further.

307: Interracial Adoptee Tony Hynes on Not Splitting the Baby

Tony: People tend to miss that adoptees grow up and that we have experiences that we grow up, that when we're adults, we still need you as parents. We still need your support. And a lot of times, when we hit 25 and when we hit 30 and we see, as interracial adoptees, Asian people being killed in a mass shooting, or we see a black man being killed, or we see comments online about affirmative action being a farce and being stupid, we want to be able to talk to our families about those items, about those things. But there are very, very few of us that actually feel comfortable doing so, because we feel as though we are being placed in the position of educators to our families at that time. And we understand that when we were growing up, race was not talked about in our household and that sometimes racism was coming from within our own households.

We talk all the time in adoption about the importance of understanding race and racial identity, but what about talking about racism? We need to talk more about racism within the household, and we also need to understand that sometimes parent who is a parent of an interracial adoptee, they might say something racist sometimes. They might say something prejudiced. And we as adoptees feel as though it's our role to suppress those feelings when we hear things like that and to never even talk to the outside world about what we might have heard our families saying.

We need parents to feel comfortable, feeling uncomfortable with learning, as you said, more about bias. And then, at earlier ages, talking about racism and not only why it's wrong, but what you think you can do about it in your own communities and what you did when your child was growing up to combat racism. Maybe you stood for community policing in your neighborhood. Maybe you stood for more diverse curriculum in your particular school that your kid was going to. Maybe you called out a family when their child said something racist to your child at school. When we talk about the long view, these are all things that are going to stick with your child moving forward.

When I was growing up and I was 14, 15 years old and police pointed guns at my back or when I was accused of stealing inside the store and I went to my adoptive parent, my white adoptive parent, and she not only went to the store, but said that they were never getting our business again or went to the police station like she did, and railed against what they had done to her child. Those were things that stayed with me to this day. So, I know that even though there are still things I might feel uncomfortable discussing with her, that that what I had is not what a lot of interracial adoptees had from that perspective. And that stays with them not only when they're 15, 16, 17, but when they're 50, 55, 60 years old, past their parents' time on this earth.

And so, when we're thinking about the long view, the things that you're doing in your kid’s childhoods play into the rest of their lives. So, that's why when we talk about doing the work, it's so important. And to do the work, we need to be listening to the voices of adoptees. We need to be educating ourselves and going to as many trainings as we can. We need to be connecting with other interracial adoptive families as much as we can. And we need to be understanding the intersectionality, because there are more and more kids like me who grew up with two moms and two dads, right? Or a single queer mom or a single queer dad. And there's intersectionality. And those experiences are going to be different from just growing up in interracial adoptive households for a lot of families, too. So, that's, in a nutshell, some of the things that I would say when it comes to that long view.

Lori: Thank you so much for addressing that long view, because that's where we're headed here. And I am just so grateful to you, Tony, for helping us see all the ways that we can split the baby with the way we think and the way we talk and the way we deal with the world at large, the world in our home, the big and smaller things. It's not just splitting the baby through adoption. We can split the baby through interracial ways, through LGBTQ headed households; anything that makes a child feel different puts them in the position of maybe having to straddle two worlds. And we need to be really mindful of supporting them and not making that straddle any harder than it needs to be, and ameliorating that straddle in all the ways that we can.

Tony: And I completely agree with that. And one last thing to add that I wanted to say is that when it comes to interracial adoption, the way you talk about your child's birth family is sending a message not only about how you think about their birth family, but also how you think about the racial group that they belong to as well. If the only time they're hearing about black and brown people is when you talk negatively or dismissively about their birth families, they're going to be thinking to themselves, “Is this how they feel about all black people?” Or “Do they think that I'm only successful because I'm growing up in this particular household?”

If they're talking negatively about the education status, for instance, of birth family members, that's a message that's going to be sent to that child around maybe my parents feel that the education of black and brown people, maybe they feel that they're just not educated individuals. And so, in talking positively about birth family, sometimes it's going to double as also sending positive messages around racial identity for that child, too.

And of course, this needs to be done in tandem with talking positively about racial mirrors and role models as well, and also having black and brown friends that are not just random people that you meet and invite over for dinner, but that you actually create meaningful friendships and you actually, in what you read and what you listen to, are reflective as well of some of your children's experiences. So, that's also just something that I wanted to add.

Lori Holden, Host

Examine your biases and assumption about people different from your family, whether that’s about race, sexual orientation, or general adoptedness. Listen to interracial adoptees. That was Ep307 with interracial adoptee and adoption educator Tony Hynes.

Speaking of interracial adoption, Ep308 features Lynn Brown, mom to two daughters and a son. Lynn navigates this space as a Black transracial mom to her two white daughters. Here’s what she says to the question: what do people miss about the long view of adoption on the front end?

308: Lynn Brown: Transracial Parenting with a Twist

Lynn: Because my adoption was from the foster care system, which is going to be a little bit different than a private domestic adoption. But I will say, if – Well, and it's kind of a cliche like I know that you talk about openness in adoption. So, what I will say is that when we adopt from foster care, it's all about being very shut off and not being as open or engaging with birth families. But I would say, long term, it is beneficial for them to have a connection to their birth family. You cannot sever it. I don't care what social workers tell you. I’ll say you need to try to keep a line of communication.

Now, you can set boundaries in their safety. It's not to discount – It's not safe, because we're quick. Foster parents, we're so quick to say, “Birth families are not safe. Their environment is not safe.” But we need to get beyond that. We really do need, because of the best interests of your kids, they need to have a connection to their birth family. They're going to always want it. And if you suppress it or deny them access long term, when they get teenagers, mine's not that old, but I ultimately think they would seek it out, good or bad. So, you can kind of set the stage for what that relationship looks like if you start off on a younger page. So, try to truly be intentional about keeping connections with their birth family.

Lori: I love that you brought that up and I love that you're calling it “keeping connection” instead of choosing the word contact, because sometimes contact isn't possible and sometimes it's not safe, but you can always maintain a connection by being willing to enter that space and talking with your child about their birth family and creating space in your home for birth family to exist, even if they're not actually physically present. And I didn't even touch on the relationships that you have with your girls’ birth family. Are you in touch with them? Are you in connection with them?

Lynn: I do, per the request of a therapist that my daughter was seeing, if there was the opportunity, if I could reach out. So, I did. I looked her up on social media and stuff and we did connect a couple of years ago. She doesn't talk to the girls. The girls do ask questions; like more so my older daughter, she'll have questions and I'll ask her birth mom and she'll answer them. So, it's not an everyday thing. Maybe every couple of months something comes up. But she was curious about her heritage and her background, and birth mom was able to share a lot more detail about medical stuff with me. You can fill in some of those blanks that we never are able to answer. So, we have that connection.

Like I said, it's not that we talk on a regular basis. I send pictures periodically, she touches base, she checks in, like, “Thinking about you guys.” So, we have that connection so that as my girls get older and they start wanting more, I hope to be able to have them engaged and be able to talk with each other. I don't feel threatened about it. I know that that's hard for some adoptive parents. I raised her. She lives with me. I'm doing all the day to day stuff, so I don't feel threatened about that. And that's still her birth mom. And everyone's going to view it differently, I understand that, but that's just my take on it.

Lori Holden, Host

That was Ep308 with Lynn Brown, a Black mom raising white daughters and a Black son. She advises that long term, providing for some sort of connection with birth family is beneficial to adoptees.

Allison Olson is both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, as well as a children's book author. In Ep 309 she suggests ways to talk about open adoption with young children.

309: Allison Olson: How to Talk About Open Adoption with Young Children

Allison: Hmm. I would say helping to raise the child, to be confident and have self-esteem around being adopted. I would think that that is the key because then they can grow up and they can handle these tougher conversations with strangers, etc., with a bit more ease because they have that foundation set for them. So, I would say that's one of the biggest pieces.

It's not easy to get there. There's honesty and the openness; all of that information. So, whatever information you have, making sure to relay it with the child, that curiosity that you mentioned, all of that goes into it. But making sure to build that foundation of confidence and self-esteem in the young adoptees, specifically around being adopted, I think is critical.

Lori: And to be able to deliver that, it seems like the adoptive parent would need to be able to have that within themselves. So, do you have any tips on ways to cultivate the ability to deal in the truth, especially if that's not where you came to adoption from and the ability to be curious about those other parents and that other life that the child might have lived? Are there some advice you might give to parents who are not naturally inclined with those traits?

Allison: Sure. And it gets into the little bit of the blog that I wrote for you [published late November, 2022]. I think the biggest thing to know is, from my standpoint as the adoptee, you are the parent. I think that that is the biggest thing. So, as adoptive parents, and sometimes I know that some things can be misunderstood and misconstrued when reading different online forums from adoptees, because I've heard some adoptive parents say, “Well, they're telling me I'm just a babysitter.” I think there might be some misunderstanding of what they're saying.

The big thing is you are the parent. Nothing can undo those years you are sharing together. You are the one when they – you know, we were talking about my daughter's bike accident last week – you are the one they go to when they are hurt. You are the comfort, the foundation, the shoulder they are leaning on. You are the one, when something exciting happens at school, they are rushing home to tell you. So, have the confidence in yourself to know you are the parent.

And take the time to work on yourself; whatever self-care you need to have that confidence. And once you know that, then it doesn't matter. It's kind of like getting additional people in your family. So, somebody marries someone extra, you don't lose a little extra love for other people in your family. You gain love for that new sister in-law, that new brother in-law, etc.. And so that's what it is.

So, adoptees, we want to know our heritage. We want to know what holidays we should support. Are there other languages we should learn? We want to learn about ourselves and that's how we're doing it. Come along with us on that journey; that curiosity. But definitely know that no matter what, even if another strong relationship is formed, just the same as a teacher could be very inspirational to your child and they could have a strong relationship in that manner, nothing, none of this takes away from that you are the parent.

Lori Holden, Host

That was Ep309 with Allison Olson, a closed adoption-era adoptee raising an open adoption-era adoptee and writing children’s storybooks about the open adoption experience. Build a foundation of confidence and self-esteem in your child by having that yourself. Stay honest and open with them.

So this is a wrap for Season 3 of Adoption: the Long View! We will take a short break and see you soon for more captivating guests in Season 4. To support our efforts in bringing you these high-quality guests and episodes, it really helps us out when you share the podcast with others, and when you give it a heart or a rating on your podcast platform – I see more and more of you doing this. Make sure to subscribe wherever you listen so you know when new episodes are available.

THANK YOU, listeners, for tuning in. THANK YOU, agencies who share this podcast with your clients. THANK YOU adoption support groups who discuss our topics together. THANK YOU, adopting.com for meeting people early in their adoptive parenting journey and helping them begin to see the long view right off the bat. THANK YOU all for sharing and engaging. Every time you Like, Share, or Rate this podcast on your preferred platform, it helps us reach and help more people.

So long, Season 3. See you all soon for Season 4.

With each episode of Adoption The Long View, we bring you guests who expand your knowledge of adoptive parenting. Thanks to each of you for tuning in and investing in your adoption’s long view. May you meet everything on your road ahead with confidence, capability, and compassion.