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Adopting a Second Child: Don’t Get Cold Feet

We spoke today, by chance, with two of my former adoption clients. They are very different women in so many ways, and they had very different adoption stories. One woman is married; the other is single. One adopted a boy with about an hour’s notice; the other, a girl with whose birthmother she was m...

Home Study Requirements

The adoption home study is the process where a licensed home study provider (typically an adoption agency) educates, prepares and evaluates the adoptive family to make sure there is a good match between a child’s needs and the family’s ability to meet those needs.Every family in the U.S. who plans t...

Placing Your Child? Think Long & Hard About Choosing A Name

Our given names are important. They distinguish us from other people and they identify us. Ultimately, our name becomes a part of who we are. Some girls fall in love with a name as a child or teen when they are dreaming of a family. Sometimes names come easily to expectant parents and other times, e...

What If No One Picks Us?

I received an email this morning with the exuberant subject line, “We’re matched!!!” I’ve seen these words (and the exclamation points!!!) many times before and they are always joyful. However, today’s email stood out, as it came from a couple that had been waiting longer than most and was worrying...

Why You Should Consider Open Adoption

Did you know that over 85% of adoptions in the United States are semi or completely open? This means that in all likelihood at some point during your adoption journey, you will be communicating directly with an expectant mother. It may be a single meeting as you both confirm your desire to move forw...

4 Important Lessons I’ve Learned As An Adoptive Mom

Thanks to tired old eggs, I turned to infant adoption as my means to motherhood. Like so many women, I was more than ready and willing, if not genetically able, to be a mom. Not sharing the same DNA with my child didn’t faze me in the least. Whether it was adopting or giving birth, I <em>knew...

It’s Not Too Early To Start Talking About Post-Adoption Contact

Having strange conversations with perfect strangers is strange, however, perfectly normal and necessary when it comes to the domestic adoption process. I remember Kim (my daughter’s first mother) and I speaking so matter-of-factly about oh so many personal, intimate details in those four short month...

10 Frequently Asked Questions About Our Open Adoption

In 2002, when our son Houston was nine months old, my husband Jeff and I began trying to conceive a second child. After an arduous journey through failed infertility treatments and the domestic adoption process, we welcomed our son Scotty in May 2010. Jeff and I spent a total of eight years thinking...

The Positives and Negatives of Open Adoption: Some Thoughts From an Adoptive Mother

In 1990 my husband and I adopted our son. While open adoption was beginning to be practiced as early as the 1980’s, it was not standard practice at that point. It was certainly more common in California than on the East Coast where we live. We were counseled in the usual fashion for the time: You ca...

Open Adoption In The Era Of Social Media

In doing the research for my new book, Secrets and Lies: Recovering from the Truths that Change Our Lives, I have encountered many adoptive families who have dealt with the questions of truth and secrets all their lives. The issue of telling (when, at what age, and how) struck me as an eternal one....

From Closed To Open Adoption: The Moments That Made My Heart Sing

My daughter Elizabeth gave birth to her second son last week. The morning he was born was filled with many delights - seeing him for the first time, learning his name, watching as he was introduced to his three-year-old brother, and of course my daughter’s radiant smile. It was a morning filled with...

Spending Time With Birth Families Over The Holidays

The text came in one evening as I was on my way to a concert: “We found a great deal on Hotwire for a flight. We’ll be able to stay for eight days. Let us know if it will work so we can book it.” Gulp! Eight days! Would we all be talking by the end of it, I wondered? “Go for it!” I texted back, hear...