adopting blog

Inspiration, Resources, Opinions & Advice From Our Adoption Community

Simple Ways To Remember And Honor Your Child’s Birth Mother

Birthmother Relationship Tips

“What are your favorite colors?” my son’s new mother asked me one week before I gave birth to our son. Of all the questions that I expected to hear from her, that was not one of them! A week later when I placed my precious baby boy into her arms, she handed me a beautiful necklace with a “special” charm, a dark brown teddy bear with a pink, heart-shaped bellybutton and a photo album that she handmade…with my favorite colors.

After twenty-three years and numerous broken gold chains, I haven’t lost the charm she gave me. The teddy bear sits on my bed and that beautiful, handmade photo album is on display in my home. On the most difficult day of my life, she made sure that I felt, well, “special.” And she continues to remember me on our son’s birthday, Mother’s Day and other days that are often difficult for birthmothers.

After making what may be the most painful choice of her life, a birthmother can feel forgotten and insignificant. Remembering her and being proactive in your relationship with her speaks volumes. Showing her that she matters to you, even in the smallest acts, can make a world of difference. Call her on her birthday. Send her a card when she graduates. Post a kind word about her on your Facebook page for others to read. Send a quick text for no reason but to tell her you’re thinking about her. I recently heard about an adoptive mother who set up a video chat/pancake breakfast with her child’s birthmother and their child the Saturday before Mother’s Day. Together, they were able to celebrate the life of a very precious toddler and the two mothers who love him.

My son’s mother has done other things over the years to show me that I am not forgotten. I received a clipping from our son’s first haircut, numerous videotapes of milestones in his life, quick text messages letting me know that she’s thinking of me and even requests for prayer when our boy was struggling. There has never been a doubt in my mind that I am remembered, appreciated and loved. My son’s adoptive mother is proactive. Are you?