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Why I Dislike The Question, "How Many Children do you Have?"
“How many children do you have?”
This question (and its variation, “Do you have any children?”) sounds simple enough. In fact, it’s one I often find myself asking strangers or others while making small talk. But as both a birthmother and a mother of loss, I’ve begun to dislike this question. I ne...
Ways To Honor Your Child’s Birth Mom On Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is an emotionally tough holiday for most birth mothers, second only perhaps to our child’s birthday. Mother’s Day is a reminder that we are not parenting our children and don’t have the same type of contact and relationship with them that other mothers have. Oftentimes birth mothers are...
What Is Birthmother’s Day?
We all know about Mother’s Day as we are bombarded by commercials and aisles in the stores dedicated to Mother’s Day gifts and cards. But there is a smaller holiday that some of those in the adoption community celebrate known as Birthmother’s Day.
Birthmother’s Day was created by a group of birt...
Journaling Through Birthmother Grief
I think a great way to work through the grief many birthmothers experience is through journaling. However, sometimes I think that some birthmothers struggle with where to start and what to write about in regards to journaling.
Michelle Thorne, a fellow birthmother, wrote a book dealing with this...
A Birth Mother's Internal Struggle
I was recently reminded of this birthmother blog written by Elsa, another birthmother for the BirthMom Buds Blog, about the internal struggle she has dealt with post adoption. In this post, she shares a beautiful, yet heartbreaking poem about the internal struggle she goes through as a birthmother....
A Birth Mother's Dilemma: Moving On Versus Moving Forward
“Moving on….”
As a birthmother or even a mother considering adoption, have you ever heard that phrase? When talking about the grief and feelings a birthmother experiences after placing a child for adoption, has anyone ever told you that you should just be able to “move on” or “get over it”? I cert...
Supporting Your Child’s Birthmother
In open adoptions where there is ongoing contact between adoptive parents and birthmothers, it’s important to support and remember your child’s birthmother. There are ways that you as an adoptive parent can be thoughtful throughout the years that will make your child’s birth mom feel loved and invol...
Changing Your Mind About Adoption
As I was finishing up my recent post about making a hospital plan, I began to think about something that isn’t talked about often − the possibility the expectant mother will change her mind and choose to parent. This possibility is sometimes tiptoed around because people are afraid if they mention i...
The First Post-Placement Visit
I was going through some old photos recently and came across a snapshot of my very first post-placement visit with my son. I sat for a few minutes staring at that photo, automatically transported back in time nearly fifteen years ago. I was just 25 years old holding my two-week old son, sitting on h...
Unplanned Does Not Necessarily Equal Unwanted
Even nowadays as adoption is becoming more accepted and talked about, there is still a stigma that children who are placed for adoption are unwanted. This is untrue and just another adoption myth and stereotype regarding birth mothers, their feelings about their children, and why they chose adoption...
Dealing With The Challenges Of Open Adoption Visits
In a recent post I wrote about the first post-placement visit with my (placed) son. This got me thinking about visits in general, beyond the first visit.
Open adoption visits can be great. You are able to spend time and connect with your child and talk with the parents to learn how your child is doi...
Birthmother Grief Is Unique
Grief is a natural sense of sadness we experience anytime a major loss occurs in our lives. Birthmother grief is unique. I call it unique because it is unlike most other grief. Typically, when we think of grieving over someone, it is usually someone who has passed on. With birthmother grief, you are...