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Being Honest With Your Child’s Birth Mother
A few days before I met with my son’s new family, I was handed a list of questions that I could ask them about their parenting style, family traditions, religious preferences, etc. After all, it was important for me to know the truth about this family that I was entrusting with my most prized posses...
Simple Ways To Remember And Honor Your Child’s Birth Mother
“What are your favorite colors?” my son’s new mother asked me one week before I gave birth to our son. Of all the questions that I expected to hear from her, that was not one of them! A week later when I placed my precious baby boy into her arms, she handed me a beautiful necklace with a “special” c...
When Your Child’s Birthmother Seems Distant
Recently, I was speaking to a group of prospective and adoptive parents about the importance of keeping their word to maintain contact with their child’s birthparents and was stopped mid-sentence by an adoptive mother. She said, “What if we want to communicate but our child’s birthmother disappears...
Five Tips for Women Considering Adoption from an Adoption Attorney
What are some of the most critical issues for women considering adoption? Here are five tips for planning the right adoption for you, which I have learned during 30 years as an adoption attorney.
1. Understand Your Rights and Responsibilities
• Choosing a family for your baby is probably the most im...
Doubly Blessed, Part 1
My name is Coley and I’m a birthmother and blogger. I’ll be sharing my thoughts and perspective as a birthmother on Adoptimist. For my first post, I thought it would make sense to share my adoption story: how I came to be a birthmother and choose adoption for my baby.
At the age of 24, I left the h...
Doubly Blessed, Part 2
Read Part One of Doubly Blessed
Even though we had an open adoption, I still struggled emotionally after my son’s birth. I was grieving for the child I willingly lost. I gave him something more and better than I could at that time in my life. I gave him two parents who were financially, physically,...
What Does Open Adoption Mean?
As you browse adoption websites and blogs, you will undoubtedly see the term “open adoption” used quite frequently. Adoptions with some level of openness have certainly become the most common type of adoption in the United States. But you may also be wondering, what exactly is an open adoption?
Th...
Why I Chose Open Adoption
I didn’t know much about open adoption at all when I was pregnant and making my adoption plan twelve years ago. In fact, it was my son’s mother who first suggested open adoption as we sat around her dining room table during my very first visit to their house (while I was still pregnant). She had don...
Common Myths About Open Adoption
In a previous post I attempted to define open adoption. But I think it is equally important to discuss what open adoption is NOT. There are several open adoption myths that I often hear. So I’d like to take a closer look at some of the most common ones and analyze them further:
• Open adoption is...
Overcoming Obstacles in Open Adoption
Although both adoptive parents and birth parents enter into an open adoption with the best intentions, over the years situations and obstacles can arise causing tension in the relationship. Life-changing developments such as divorce, moving, a new baby in the family, and other unforeseen situations...
Stereotypes And Misconceptions About Birthmothers
There are many stereotypes, myths, and misconceptions out there about birthmothers and expectant mothers considering adoption. This is due, at least in part, to the portrayal of birthmothers in movies (such as Juno), books (like Girls in Trouble by Caroline Leavitt) , and television shows (Glee and...
It’s Not Just a Word
You may have noticed in my blog posts that when talking about pregnant women who are considering adoption for their babies, I do not ever refer to them as birthmothers, as some do. The debate over which term (birthmother or expectant mother considering adoption) to use to address a woman contemplati...